EP: 197 - Why We Self Sabotage and What You Can Do to Stop It

In this week’s episode we are talking about Why We Self Sabotage and What You Can Do to Stop It.

1:24 A Thing We Humans Do

Why are we talking about self sabotage?

Nick

I think it's an interesting thing that happens. I hear it a lot with new clients or new students coming in. 

And you know, it's also tied into that series we did on The Big Leap. The upper limiters and things. When we humans aspire, desire, want something to be greater, better in our lives, or we want to be better and greater in our lives and then boom, before you know it we've just created a bunch of distraction and sabotage it. I hear that language a lot.

KISMA

The language of self sabotage

Nick

It's an interesting term and an interesting thing that we humans do.

KISMA

2:18 We Stop, We Will Self-Sabotage 

Why do people get stuck into these patterns of self sabotage?

Nick

What I see that happens a lot is there's an internal conflict, or there's a false means of protecting. So for instance, the protection piece can be really interesting.

Let's just talk about money because self sabotage comes up a lot around money, around building a business or advancing in a job. And we know that there are going to be these tethers to parents and grandparents in the way we grew up. Specifically, wrapped around our money stories, and also just the thought of, “Well, if I make a lot of money, then what are people going to think?” So as they go to build a business or make more money or have a new money goal, there's that tethered to “Well If I go above this limit, or if I make too much money, will I still have the love of my family? What will people think of me? Will I be the person?” and this is all, floating around in the subconscious. 

And so what happens is we want to protect the love that we know, the perceived love that we know. And we stop, we'll self sabotage.

KISMA

4:28 Chaos in the Field

I think that it’s important to highlight that it doesn't happen on a conscious level so often.

Nick 

This self sabotage can show up in ways that we might not even realize: getting distracted, getting sick, creating disease in our body, catching a cold, having an accident, dropping something, breaking a toe, all of these things will show up because there's chaos in the field. 

Self sabotage will show up as a conflict internally and then represent a conflict externally.

KISMA

7:05 Sabotage Showing up in Relationships

You know it can show up in relationships, or if one is seeking a relationship and somebody comes into your life, you're like, “Oh, this is new, this could be amazing”. But it might look different than the relationship that you witnessed in a family or perhaps, it's saying there is a bigger part of your own connection and vulnerability that must be expressed and that can feel scary, that can have a little internal conflict. So you might pick a fight. You might dismiss the person. Something comes up where it creates a sabotage of the relationship. 

KISMA

It sabotages intimacy.

Nick

11:07 Aware and Present

Our advantage really does lie in our ability to be aware and to be present.

KISMA

What do people look for to be aware of?

Nick

If you find yourself not getting the result that you want, or if you set a goal or an intention, and you're getting sidetracked and distracted and disrupted, you've got to ask yourself  a question because when our brain gets asked a question, it will usually pause. And those questions can be like, “Alright, why would I do that? Why am I stopping? Why am I allowing that distraction?” Or it's just a simple question, “Why would I do that?” And you'll hear something, you'll know something about why you're doing it. We've got to ask why without making it wrong.

KISMA

You said something really important. Not making it wrong. None of this is about being perfect. It's really just about paying closer attention, being more aware and catching yourself before you really get off track.

Nick

20:03 Taking Action

So just to kind of summarize what's happening with self sabotage is somewhere inside, there's a conflict of either values or a place where we humans might have a fear of losing love or connection or what people are gonna think and all of these things. 

Your go to is the awareness of where you slow down, where you stop and ask yourself these questions. “Why am I stopping? What am I worried about? What am I afraid of?, or what's in front of me that maybe I don't really want to do or receive?” and then dialing it back to the very thing that you do want, energizing it with that sole purpose, belief and energy and then take action because action as well will help you get through and beyond those moments of self sabotage.

KISMA

22:43 It’s Okay to be Human

So the illuminated thought for the day is it's okay for you to be human. 

Nick

I'm going to add on to that. You're human and you're remarkable so go do what you want to do.

KISMA